Fishing For Men

 

The day began bright and sunny with few clouds floating across the blue skies. Simon and a friend decided it was a good day to go fishing but was concerned that maybe it was the wrong time of day.

Backing up their pickup truck they latched the trailer with the john boat to the back hitch and grabbed their water bottles and fishing poles. The ice chest was filled with drinks and sandwiches, ready for a day on the lake.

Simon grabs the starter rope and giving it a quick mean jerk, the engine fires up with a billow of smoke. He steers the boat away from the launching ramp as his friend slowly drives the truck up the ramp and parks in the marked parking space.

Simon turns the boat facing the clear blue waters as his friend wades through the shallow water and crawls aboard. They smile, raise their hands to heaven and at the same time yell, “Show us your favor Lord. The wives want fish for dinner,” and they speed off to deeper waters.

“This looks like a good spot,” Simon announces over the roar of the engine. He cuts the engine off and tosses the anchor overboard. Placing bait on their hooks each sits quietly waiting for the sudden jerk on their line.

It doesn’t come.

Hours are spent, drinks are gulped, sandwiches wolfed down. No bites. Discouragement takes over and as Simon suggests they give up and go home, something happens they’ll neither forget.

Simon gasps.

His friend’s eyes pop wide open and he can’t speak.

A Man approaches. He isn’t in a boat! He’s walking across the water as though He’s on dry land.

They both gulp and begin to stand. “We’ll jump to our deaths.” the friend whispers.

“It’s a ghost.” Simon croaks out.

The Man speaks, “Oh sit down. It’s just Me, Jesus.”

With a sigh of relief the men slowly take their seat while staring at Jesus standing on the water, right next to the boat. “Ya’ wanna’ catch some fish throw your lines on the other side of the boat.” Jesus states confidently.

He steps into the boat, takes the last sandwich and takes a bite. He watches the two men as they struggle with their thoughts.

“Well, Are you going to trust me or not?” Jesus asks while chewing a bite of sandwich.

The men make no comment but cast their fishing lines on the other side of the boat. In seconds they are hauling in the biggest fish they’ve ever caught. They can’t bait their hooks fast enough and in no time the boat is overloaded with fish flopping around in the bottom of the boat. They shout and laugh, not believing their good luck.

Jesus stands, steps out of the boat, turns and grins at the two men. “Told ya’ so! Next time you’ll be fishing for men.” He states and saunters off across the water.

“Huh? Fishing for men? We gonna be looking for dead men out here?” Simon asks as he removes the hook from yet another large fish.

(Sue’s version) Luke 5:3-6

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Born Salesman With Best Fish Story Ever

by Rev. Austin Miles

A young guy from Idaho moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Idaho.”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.

The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

“That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Idaho, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65.”

The boss, astonished, says “$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Ford Expedition.”

The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?”

The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing!”

***

Thanks to Larry Craig who alerted us to this story and let us know that the young man who is the subject in this story is a second cousin of Donald Trump. Figures.

Photo Caption: The Kid is a Born Salesman

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Thursday’s Pen Tip # 15

“He who is on high has given His Son for the forgiveness of you! How can others who receive such a wonderful and blessed gift ignore that precious gift and withhold it from others?

Your eternal salvation does not rest on you forgiving others, but by faith in the Almighty Son of God, to forgive as you have been forgiven is walking in the ways of the Lord.

Do not cheat yourself withholding love. For it is His love for you that has set you free from condemnation, unforgiveness and be blessed by He who loves you.

Walk in His peace, with His joy filling your heart. Be as He who loves you would have you be.”

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Thursday’s Pen Tip #14

Rejoice in Him

As the pain filled memories flow for they are memories not actual acts of today.

Rejoice in Him

When the pain swells to tidal waves within it is pain that is being brought to land; sand filters, cleans.

Rejoice in Him

for He who loves you removes the old within a damaged soul. Rejoice, for He fills those area’s that have been left vacant of those hurtful things.

Rejoice in Him

for He is filling, giving of Himself to bring you to a place where you can rejoice in Him.

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The Fast Train

A whistle breaks the silence, wheels speed across the tracks, smoke billows filling the air with white steam as the train speeds along the tracks.

There’s only one car to this train and only two stops. It’s filled with passengers from all walks of life. A lady, dressed in fine silk, jewels dangling from her ears, neck, and wrists. Her fine feathered hat sits proudly on styled hair. Her husband sits beside her typing on his laptop computer, paying no attention to her constant babble.

Families sit together with their children gaping out the window at the scenery as it speeds by. The scowl of a mother catches the Conductors eye. He smiles but she snarls under her breath and digs an elbow into her husbands side. He grunts and ignores her.

A few teenagers, with their multi-colored hair, nose rings, tattooed bodies, and slouchy pants, sit slouched on the benches discussing the latest horror movie and Rap song with its lyrics of back to back cuss words and condemnation of all that is good. The Conductor stops beside them. They don’t acknowledge Him.  He states, “Follow Me.” They ignore Him. He rubs the dust off His shoe on His pants leg and moves on.

As He approaches another group tears threaten to spill. Women in ragged dresses, men in torn dirty shirts and infants in dirty diapers fill a corner in the back of the compartment. Half eaten sandwiches are set aside and heads bow in praise and thanksgiving as the Conductor steps among them.

The Conductor touches the shoulder of a lame man, “Be healed,” the Conductor states. The man immediately jumps to his feet and runs in a circle shouting, “Praise God, I can walk!”

The Conductor moves to a woman with an infant with a cleft lip. He smiles down at the infant and with compassion, looks heavenward, whispers a prayer, and places His finger on the child’s lip. It’s instantly healed and the baby smiles brightly. The mother cries tears of joy and thanks Him.

None of the Conductors actions have gone unnoticed. Some begin praising, others shout, “Hosanna,” and yet others raise a questioning eyebrow and announce, “it’s a trick!”

The fast train begins to slow. Some begin gathering their fine leather bags, others pick up the toys of their children while others kneel in praise and thanksgiving for the blessings of a meager meal and the warmth of the compartment.

The fast train stops and the door slides open. The Conductor stands beside it and as one passenger after another line up to exit, the Conductor announces, “Many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.” *

He points His finger at the ragged group in the back of the line and states loudly, “You, My children, step forward. For those who believe shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

Angry shouts fill the compartment, some try to shove their way through the door. Many stand quietly waiting to be called forward. As the line moves forward, the Conductor instructs some to return to their seat, others, He smiles and tells them they have been “good and faithful servants.” Each child is given a loving hug as He tells them to be careful stepping off the train.

The engine of the fast train roars to life, steam bellows forth, and a  loud clank is heard as the door slams shut and the fast train speeds off down the track for the last stop. The majority remain aboard.

Most assuredly I say unto you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God” John 3:3

(Matt.19:30)

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JUST FOR LAUGHS

#8 below takes the grand prize, hands down!
For Laughs: Top Eight Idiots of 2017…So Far..!!
1. AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting,‘Please come out and give yourself up.’
3. *WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. *THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. *DID I SAY THAT?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot’,the man shouted, ‘that’s not what I said!’
6. *ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: ‘My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart’. ‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor asked.‘No!’ the man shouted, ‘This is her husband!’
7. *NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo…!!!)
8. *THE GRAND FINALE!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

*Now remember, these are all true stories, these people vote and most have children!*