I’m Not Less Than…

In every home there is usually some sort of do’s and do not’s lain down for the children. Don’t run in the street, don’t touch the stove fire, take the garbage out, make your bed, don’t hit your sister/brother. Each child is taught what they should and should not do.

But what about healthy boundaries? What is a boundary? It is a line drawn in the sand, so to speak, that another can not cross. “You will not hit my sister, you will not use bad language in my presence, you will not break the vows of our marriage.” These are just a few of what is called healthy boundaries.

When a family has abuse; be it physical, emotional, or sexual within a family, boundaries are ignored. Its okay for Dad to sneak into his daughters room at night, its okay for Mom to get beat up by dad, its okay for brother to watch sister take a bath.  Healthy boundaries are ignored and never set in place leaving the child to never learn what is okay and what is not. There are no healthy examples for him/her to follow.

Self respect, low self-esteem, and loss of dignity can be some of the results of having never learned what healthy boundaries are. In order to survive many will turn to trying to please everyone so they will feel loved and accepted. Susie will pretend to be the perfectly sweet girlfriend and shrug off the insults her boyfriend slings at her. She’ll try very hard to be what Mom, Dad, or whoever wants her to be leaving self behind to suffer quietly. Tommy will be okay with hitting his girlfriend or demeaning her to his buddies.

It is imperative that we all learn what healthy boundaries are and how to put them in place. In my own case, my Dad controlled me. There was mind control, manipulation, secrecy, and abuse. For years I never knew I could say, “No” to anything. It took a psychiatrist, in my later years, to teach me that I did not have to listen to the insults and demeaning and accusatory remarks that my Dad would make to me. I had to learn to say, “You will speak to me with respect or I will hang up this phone!” And I did. I set a boundary and adhered to it by hanging up the phone when he began his rants. In time, he learned I meant what I said and began to speak to me in a more respectful manner. Believe me, it is a very powerful feeling of victory when we see positive results from setting a boundary and having it honored.

That is what we must do to overcome a life without boundaries. We start small. We can’t make a legal pad length list of boundaries and expect to be victorious. Those boundaries we set are going to be fought against by some people; friends and family members that have ignored your requests are not going to like having to adhere to the new you. Stay strong in your conviction.

Once we have stated the healthy boundary we must adhere to it! If, for example, we tell someone they are not to open the bedroom door without knocking or just “drop by” without calling, then stick to it! State the consequence of the inappropriate action and stick to it. Otherwise you’re wasting your breath.

God did not create us to be door mats or to be talked down to, disrespected, ignored, or made to feel less than. Neither did He create us to be like someone else. So stop trying to please everyone else! It’s exhausting and a waste of time. He created us in His image. That means we are to be loved, respected, honored, and listened to as a child of God. If you tell someone, “No” and they ignore your no, they are trying to control and/or manipulate you. Your yes means yes and your no means no. And you don’t have to explain it!

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend authored a book titled, “Boundaries.” They also authored a workbook to go with it, “Boundaries Workbook.” These can be found on Amazon.com and I highly recommend getting both and go to work becoming all that God created you to be.

Another book I recommend to help in overcoming the “people pleasing” issues, which greatly are tied to the issues of boundaries, is a book by Joyce Meyer called “Approval Addiction.” Also found on Amazon.com

We deserve to be respected. We cannot, and never will be able to please everyone. God created you and threw the mold away. You are one of a kind, special and loved by Almighty God. Be who you are and don’t allow others to dictate who they want you to be or to treat you less than you deserve to be treated.

Blessings to you as you step into freedom.

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Ya’ Just Never Know

The weeks have been long and tiring for the woman. Her husband has been ill and now as she stands by his graveside the tears flow. She didn’t think she had any more tears but her wet cheeks have proven her wrong.

Her friend stands beside her and places a hand on her shoulder. “He’s with the Lord now and no more sorrow, no more illness. He’s at peace.” her friend whispers to the new widow.

The widow looks at her with crinkled eyebrows. “He wasn’t a believer. He’s in hell!” She bursts out sobbing and her friend pulls her into a tight hug.

The widow sobs in her friend’s arms as the people quietly back away and begin returning to their cars. Slowly the tears abate and the widow apologizes to her friend for her outburst.

Her friend looks and there’s a Man standing near the Oak tree. He looks familiar. The friend nudges the widow. “Do you know Him?” she asks. The widow glances over to the Man and suddenly sucks in a breath.

The Man approaches her and with love in His eyes He opens His arms to her and she quickly embraces Him as tears stream down her face.

The Man caresses her back gently and whispers in her ear, “Be not downcast, My daughter, for Jack is in heaven. He gave his life to Me and has been forgiven.”

The widow suddenly pulls back from the Man, “Oh praise be to God. Thank you Jesus!” she shouts.

Her friend stands transfixed, not knowing what just happened.

(Sue’s version) Matthew 5:4

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Transported

 

Trees whiz past, the wind ruffles his hair, as the young man flies down the hill and approaches another steep grade in the road. His legs begin to tire as he peddles his bike up the hill. It has been a time of reflection and he isn’t at ease with his thoughts.

He peddles harder.

Finally cresting the hill he stops and gazes out over the beautiful meadow stretched out over what seems to be miles. The grass is a rich green dotted with wild flowers. The few trees reach high into the sky, and a lone bird swoops past.

He takes a deep breath, glances up at the sun, and places his foot back on the bike’s peddle.

Pushing off he coasts down the hill without the effort of having to peddle. The wind rushes through his hair, his eyes water from the force of the wind, and taking his hands off the handle bars he raises them high in the air and loudly shouts out of sheer joy.

The front wheel suddenly twists as it hits a rock in the road and flying through the air the young man hits hard as he lands several feet away from his twisted and mangled bicycle.

He lies unconscious as a Man slowly walks across the meadow toward him. The young man, in his unconscious state is unaware that he has entered another dimension.

The Man is talking to him and telling the young man he needs to get straight with God. “Only My children can enter heaven and the only way to do that is through Me.” The Man states.

The boy, in his altered state, looks at the Man standing before him and says, “Everyone says that Jesus isn’t the only way.”

“I am the way, the truth, and the life,” the man states. “There is no other way. I am the only way to the Father.”

The young man’s eyes begin to flutter slightly and gradually he shakes his head to shake off the fuzziness of his clouded mind. Slowly he sits up and sees his mangled bike.

Then he remembers.

“I am the only way.”

(Sue’s version) John 14:6

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Laminin

This is more proof of just how Great our God is.

A Lawyer's Prayers

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together” (Col. 1: 17 NIV).

Wikipedia describes laminin as a class of proteins comprising the extracellular matrix, molecules providing structural and biochemical support to the surrounding cells.

READERS CAN FIND MY VIEWS ON ABUSE AND ABUSE-RELATED ISSUES AT ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse https://avoicereclaimed.com

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The Whispered Prayer

The drive has been long and tiring but her purpose is genuine. Cutting through the traffic the woman has difficulty concentrating on her driving as she finally pulls into the hospital parking lot and makes her way to her husband’s room.

The calls for Doctors over the P.A. system can be heard as she steps onto the elevator, and people crying in waiting rooms are ignored as she rounds the corner.

Walking past the nurse’s station she finally makes it to room 302 and gently pushes the door open. Her husband is asleep on the long narrow bed with its silver rails raised high on each side.

The T.V. has a game show playing with the volume turned low. She stands by her husband’s bed looking down at the drawn face, the life-giving plastic lines going from I.V. bags into his body. A tear silently slips down her cheek.

Quietly taking a seat she looks up at the T.V. The program has changed and a program about an angel helping others is playing. She reaches for the remote control and turns the volume up just a little so the sound doesn’t disturb her sleeping husband.

Fascinated by the program she watches. No nurse’s come in to disturb them. She watches and near the end of the program a tear escapes down her cheek. “God, if you are real, will you send an angel to help my husband,” she whispers and clicks the T.V. off.

Unbeknownst to her a Man has been standing near her watching as the tears slide down her cheeks. He watches as she whispers her prayer knowing she doesn’t realize she has prayed and has reached out to Him.

“I will prove to you child that I am very real. Just believe.” He tells her.

But she isn’t listening.

(Sue’s version) Mark 5:36

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A Boy’s Prayer

The day has been busy with school, bike riding, playing with the dog, and finally homework and dinner. As the boy towels off after his shower he dons his superman pajamas and crawls into bed.

He pushes back against the headboard waiting for his mother to come and kiss him goodnight and say their nightly prayers. He picks up the Bible Story Book that they had been reading from and opens its pages.

He’s reading about Jesus when his mother steps into the room and walks over to his bed and sits on the edge. She smiles, rustles his damp hair and asks, “What is it saying about Jesus?”

He gives a brief comment and then blurts out, “I want Jesus in my heart, mama.” He’s mentioned it before but would quickly change his mind out of a lack of understanding, so Mom asks him a few questions and they talk for a short time.

“Are you wanting to ask Jesus to be your Savior, to come into your heart now?” his mother asks. A big grin crosses his face and an excited, “yes!” bursts from his lips.

Mom leads him in a prayer thanking God for His forgiveness and for loving him. The boy suddenly states, “I know you are God’s Son and you died for me. Jesus, will you come and live in my heart? Amen.”

Mom can’t help it, tears spill down her cheeks.

In her mind’s eye she sees Jesus standing next to her son. She asks her son if he sees Jesus anywhere in the room. For a long moment he is quiet.

She waits.

He suddenly grins broadly and states, “He’s standing by my shoulder.” She reaches over and hugs her son tightly and then tells him that’s exactly what she saw.

The Man was standing right next to her son as he gave his life to Christ.

(Sue’s version) Romans 10:9

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