Your Chuckle for the Day


Kathryn Leake
The Funny Pages 😂 by SilverElephant

May be an image of animal and nature

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

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Heaven’s Dolphin

The sun is bright, the breeze is warm as a woman smiles up at the sun and lets the sand sift through her toes. Casually walking along the beach she sees a dolphin surface a short distance from her in the sea. She stops to admire its beauty. The dolphin sees her, does a flip out of the water and comes closer to shore. It surfaces and appears to stand up in the water facing her as though beckoning her to come closer.

Stooping down she unbuckles her sandals and leaves them on the pure white sand. Wading out she keeps her eye on the dolphin. The dolphin watches her, seemingly smiling at her, and making its sweet chatter as though talking to her. Wading out closer and closer she reaches out and the dolphin moves closer. Excited, she takes another step closer and suddenly a wave washes over her. The sand beneath her feet gives way as it is sucked out from under her. She’s being pulled and the undercurrent suddenly sucks her down under the water.

The dolphin flips and diving beneath the water it swims lightning speed toward the woman. The water has sucked the woman out to sea and slowly she has little breath and is being tossed and sucked farther and farther into the depths of this watery grave by the undercurrent. Her eyes are open and as her lungs expel the last bit of air she sees a light, a light so bright she has to close her eyes.

“Come unto me all who are weary” is whispered in her ear. Her body goes totally limb and as though being transported at a high rate of speed, the speed of light, she finds herself standing before a huge gate made of solid pearl.

Standing and looking up at the gate in awe she can’t figure out how she got here. Turning slightly she see’s a light shining brightly in the distance and takes a step through the pearl gate toward the light. Suddenly people are gathered; cheering, smiling, motioning toward her to come closer. A huge banner floats by with the words, “Welcome to Paradise,” written in gold.

Her mind begins to clear a bit and she looks at the gathering of people. Sucking in a deep breath she’s surprised to see her cousin Fred, her friend from grade school, Amy, and oh my gosh! Her husband, that was killed on a fishing expedition, steps out of the crowd and walks toward her. Love is beaming from his face as he approaches her and says, “I have been waiting for you. Let me show you around.”

Taking her hand her husband leads her to a Throne, a Throne like nothing she has ever seen. Angels are circling the Throne and a giant of a Man sits upon it. She immediately falls to her knees and praises her heavenly Father. “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come” is being song by thousands upon thousands of angels. Tears stream down her cheeks as her heart is so filled with love she feels it will burst.

Leaving the Throne her husband walks her through meadows so green, the green cannot be described. Flowers that seem to be iridescent are in flower beds, lining the streets of gold, scattered throughout pastures, seemingly everywhere. All she can do is stand and look in awe at mountains so grand that gleam in the Light that permeates everything.

“Come,” her husband says, and leads her to a humongous nursery. Stepping inside there are millions of babies. What looks like one time mothers, maybe they’re angels, she can’t really tell, are cradling some, playing with others, and feeding even more. She turns to her husband with a questioning look and doesn’t have to voice her question. “These were killed in the womb,” her husband states.

Tears slide down her face as a woman picks up a child and cuddles it closely to her breast as the baby smiles brightly. She can’t speak and watches as these children are cuddled, fed, played with, and cared for with such love she can barely comprehend it. Her husband leads her away and finally they sit beside a river so grand she can’t imagine its depth or length.

The sparkling water is so clear and fresh that she wants to wade out in it. She wants to lower her body down into it and feel the renewal it offers. Taking her hand gently her husband leads her to the edge but before she can step into the clear sparkling water she hears a calm and loving voice. “Not yet My child. You have more work to do.”

Suddenly she realizes she has been lifted by the dolphin and gently placed in the caring arms of the life guards that have come out to rescue her.

~~~~~~~~~

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#Christian #Shortstory #Dolphin #Heaven #God #Throne #Angels #Salvation #Beach

#Goldenstreets #Weary #Holy #Greetedinheaven #Love #Godslove #Godslight #Jesus

Written by Sue Cass and may not be reproduced or copied without the authors permission.

Story of Adam and Eve’s Dog

Adam and Eve said, ‘Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day.  Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.  Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.

 And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve  

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

 And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.  And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal..’
 
And God said, ‘I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.

 And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.  And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride.  They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration.  Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.’
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.’ 

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them.  And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the Supreme Beings.

 And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. 

And God was pleased.  And Dog was happy. 

 And the Cat . . . 

 didn’t give a flip one way or the other…

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#Humor #God #Adam&Eve #Dog #Cat