A young man asked his great-grandfather how he’d managed to live so long. The old man said that the key to his longevity was the fact that he sprinkled a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The young man decided to do the same, and for the rest of his life he sprinkled a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

He lived to be ninety-eight years old. When he died, he left eight children, twenty-one grandchildren, thirteen great-grandchildren, and a fifteen-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.