forgiveness

May 14, 2017

Happy? Mother’s Day

Today is Mother’s Day and I have avoided turning on the T.V., going to church, and those things that remind me of what a mother is supposed to be but that many of us did not experience.

Growing up in an abusive home where the abuse is ignored or perpetrated by the mother does not leave happy memories for many of us. Whether it was the Dad doing the abuse or the mother inflicting the physical or emotional pain, it leaves more than just a bad taste in the mouth of the surviving child/adult.

We hear from the pulpits across America the testimonies of those mother’s that raised their children in loving and caring homes. I’m happy for those children that have those memories. They are truly blessed more than they probably realize.

But what about the others? Those of us that hear the wonderful testimonies and sit quietly trying to hide the tears and shut out the memories of abuse, betrayal, and mother’s that chose to be far less than what God wanted her to be. Every child loves their mother whether they admit it or not. That’s why the pain is so deep.

Many people do not want to hear the testimonies of hurt, pain, and betrayal within a family, especially within a church. “This isn’t the place for that” is what I’ve heard after giving a testimony of an abusive childhood. Even though those testimonies reveal the healing power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. “It’s just too awful to hear.” So the pulpits are sadly quiet about what reality is to many and how the Lord has healed the hearts of many.

Many of us that have experienced the healing power of Christ do forgive, as difficult as it is. And many times we have to forgive over and over and especially on days like today; Mother’s Day.

In my case, my mother is with the Lord. Praise God because she accepted Christ as her Savior in her late 80’s so I know she is with Him.

But what about those who still have their mother’s? Those who, out of a sense of obligation and a bad taste in their mouth, send the flowers and cards? Honoring your mother and father, as Christ commands, causes some to feel that dreaded obligation but what it means is that you are acknowledging their authority, their position, as your parent.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing. It does not say what they did was right. It does not say we have to have contact with them or a relationship with them. It says we release the hurt, the anger, the guilt, the shame, and the unforgiveness. For our benefit not theirs. Our Father in heaven forgives us as we forgive others. If we won’t forgive then He will not bless us with His forgiveness.

I pray that we may hand our hurt to the Lord and celebrate that there are mother’s who exemplify the Father’s love of His children and set aside the hurtful memories. Forgiveness does not render amnesia.

Blessings to you.

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February 23, 2015

UnGodly Soul Ties are Destructive

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What is the soul? The soul is our mind, will, and emotions. The Devil’s play ground.

What is a soul tie? A soul tie is an emotional bond or connection that unites us with someone else. We can become bound to a person through our soul. This can be done through generational sins that have been passed down through the generations, through vows we have made, and when we are close to someone or something. It can be a best friend, a pastor, our spouse, our children, a grandparent, relative, a celebrity, an abuser, and especially with every person we’ve had sex with. Even inanimate objects such as cars, jewelry, a house, money, etc.

Ungodly Soul ties can be formed with anyone or anything on a daily basis if we are not vigilant.

God creates Godly soul ties. Duet. 10:20 states, “You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him, and to Him you shall hold fast, and take oaths in His name.” The Lord tells us to love each other and to help each other. By loving someone, as Christ loves us, we are forming Godly soul ties.

Demons cause ungodly soul ties. “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John 10:10  Ungodly soul ties can destroy us! They take hold in our mind, will, and emotions, and will destroy what Christ created; love, joy, and peace.

If we are consumed with bitterness and anger, we dwell on the past, feel rejected most of the time, and if we’re constantly meditating on any other person/s or thing/s, we’re probably tied to those people or things. Ungodly soul ties have been formed and need to be broken and severed.

Here are a few keys to knowing if Ungodly soul ties have been formed:

We have been, or are in:

* A controlling relationship.

* An abusive relationship. (Physical, sexual, emotionally, or verbally.)

* Adulterous affairs

* Sex before marriage

* Obsessive entanglements (obsessed with someone or something)

* The occult

It is important to repent, renounce, break, and severe all ungodly soul ties! Even with our spouse! “and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” Mark 10:8 Remember, ungodly soul ties are formed through sex. Within the marriage bed and outside the marriage bed. Both husband and wife need to renounce the ungodly soul ties they each harbor.

We are NOT renouncing and severing  GODLY soul ties. We are severing the ungodly soul ties. This brings us freedom to be more like who Christ wants us to be. If we renounce something that the Lord knows is not an ungodly soul tie, don’t worry. No harm has been done. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

Ask the Lord to reveal to you the ungodly soul ties that have been formed. Write them down being very specific and renounce each one. Don’t be surprised if there are many. Then thank Him for the Godly soul ties.

Here is a sample prayer of renunciation:

Heavenly Father, I confess and repent of the sin of  (name the sin which caused the evil soul tie, such as adultery or fornication), and I ask that You forgive me of this sin.

(Now is a good time to destroy or get rid of any physical gifts or other objects that could hold the soul tie together, such as a gift given in adultery, etc. Anything that could hold the bond together between you and that person. It’s important to let go of those physical things/keepsakes.)

In the name of Jesus, and by the power of His blood, I now renounce, break and sever all ungodly soul ties formed between (name the person) and myself, through the sin of (name the sin which caused the evil soul tie). I thank You Lord for cleansing me of this sin.

I now command any evil spirits which have taken advantage of this ungodly soul tie to leave me now in Jesus name!

(Repeat this prayer if you have more than one evil soul tie to break.)

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Blessings to you.

 

 

 

November 10, 2014

Dealing with Betrayal

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Betrayal can come in many and  various forms. It can be as simple, if you want to call it simple, as someone betraying your trust through telling another what you thought was told in confidence. There is the betrayal within marriages through adulterous behavior. Betrayal can come through domestic abuse. Maybe someone at your job betrayed you by lying to the boss. There’s many examples of how we are betrayed.

In my opinion (and many psychiatrists) the most damaging, deep, and most heartfelt betrayal is through a parent sexually abusing their child. From within the womb we are totally and completely dependent upon our mothers and fathers. Upon birth that dependence grows even more for the child. The child depends on the parents for nurturing, education, love for God, not to mention clothing, food, and housing. God instilled in us love. We are created to love and we do it naturally as a child. We love our parents regardless of anything they do.

Children are taught to hate, to distrust, to be suspicious and to take the blame. They were not born with that negativity. We’ve all seen cases where a child is horribly abused and yet they will protect the parent. It isn’t always that the parent/abuser has threatened them to keep quiet, it’s because of that God-given love instilled within us toward those who God chose to be our parents.

I was asked recently if after having been sexually abused if having my Dad admit to the abuse, if that was emotionally more difficult than the actual abuse. My answer was no, not for me. For me it was confirmation that the abuse really did take place. It stopped all the mind wrestling of whether it happened or not and put an end to the lies that were being told about it didn’t happen. But not everyone can answer that way. It is always very difficult to admit we have been betrayed. Especially if that betrayal was from someone we love.

Sexual abuse/incest is the most damaging of all abuse to a child. It attacks the body, soul, mind, and spirit of the child. The issues that are left from it are so vast it can take years to heal from the devastation. Most abusers will not admit their guilt. Many mothers will blame the victim or deny it happened or choose the husband over the child. Hopefully with disclosure becoming more prevalent that will change.

Who of us want to have to admit to ourselves that those who were given to us by God could do such a thing? Who wants to admit that the man we chose to love for the rest of our lives would sneak around behind our back in an adulterous affair? Or that our best friend would reveal a deep secret we shared, with someone else?

Betrayal will leave deep wounds. Whether they are bleeding wounds that we ignore, or ones that we continue to pick at is our choice. In the case of sexual abuse it may take years to heal those deep wounds. In Psalm 27:10 The Lord says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Betrayal through abuse , by a parent, is forsaking the child! They have forsaken their God-given responsibility to care for, in a Christ-like manner, for the child that was placed in their care. Mothers and fathers that do nothing to protect the child, a co-conspirator, has emotionally, and in some cases physically, abandoned the child. Christ is there to receive you!

With any betrayal it is hard to “wrap our minds around” what was done. There is hurt, anger, denial, and eventually acceptance. We have a big choice to make. Do we forgive or do we continue to bleed? It can be mind-boggling to think that our own parents could betray us in such a way but if we do not release that hurt, through forgiveness, the betrayal will be like a gunny sack filled with rocks on our back.

With any form of betrayal do we choose to live with a heart filled with hate and bitterness toward those who have betrayed us or do we turn to Christ and give Him our pain? By holding onto the pain, not forgiving, we are bringing God’s judgment against us.  (Matt.5:22) We are hindering our prayers, (Matt.5:23) we’re causing a root of bitterness to take hold, (Heb.12:14-15) we’re allowing demonic strongholds to take hold, (Eph.4:26), and halting our healing (James 5:16).

Freedom from the heart wounds inflicted by an act/s of betrayal is obtained through our ability to seek Christ’s forgiveness and to offer our forgiveness to others.

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Blessings to you.

August 19, 2014

What’cha gonna do?

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So many times we sit on the fence not knowing what to do or not willing to do what we know we must do. There’s a saying, “Let go and let God.” Are we willing to do that? Are we willing to let go of the anger we perhaps feel toward our spouse, or child, or friend? Are we willing to forgive the transgressions of others toward us? Life is so much more pleasant when we are willing to step down off the fence onto the side of what is most pleasing to God.

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Matt. 6:12

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June 22, 2014

A Wasted life – or was it?

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“Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.” Matt.5:4

Looking at this scripture we often think of a widow or a widower mourning the loss of their loved one. But in this life we mourn many things. What do you mourn?

When that question was asked of me I couldn’t think of anything in particular. Yes, I had mourned the loss of my husband, I had mourned the loss of a childhood through abuse, I’ve mourned the loss of pets, and of friends. But when I asked the Lord, “Is there anything I’m mourning?” I was surprised and confused about His reply.

“You mourn a wasted life.” was His reply. What?

All day I have thought about that answer and have taken peeks back at my life from birth to adulthood. I went to school; elementary through college. I’ve been a “soda jerk,” a sales clerk at J.C. Penny’s and various clothing stores, I worked my way through college by working in a Psychiatric Hospital helping the mentally ill. I had a career flying the friendly skies.  So how can all of that and all of those years have been wasted?

Forty-nine years. Yes, for forty-nine years I was doing my own thing. But was I really? The years of schooling was preparing me for the world. The after-school jobs was teaching me the financial aspects of being a responsible adult. The Psych. Hospital was teaching me so many things I can’t begin to express them here. It was an experience like no other and that knowledge has been used in many different situations in my life along with, of course, paying my college tuition fees. The flight attendant career took me to places I would never have been able to go and meeting people I never would have met. In particular Christians! I didn’t realize there were so many flying around those friendly skies! They had their “prey” trapped in a cylindrical tube high up in the sky and continually tried to convert me.

Oh yes. Sue was not a Christian. Sue was doing her own thing. Sue didn’t think she needed God. Not the God that allowed all the bad stuff in her life. Not the God that sat on the sidelines and didn’t give a flip about what she did. Sue, who chewed up Christians and spit them out like sour milk. No, Sue didn’t need this so-called loving God.

How wrong Sue was!

My husband and I had retired and was enjoying the good life but suddenly my world was turned upside down and inside out. My comfortable world with my cherished husband, was left empty. My husband died, my home felt empty and I was alone with the silence within its walls. Family was gone because I told “the secret.” I crawled into the cave of grief. That dark place where no light will enter because the shutters of the heart is closed.

Then Christ stepped in.

I hear it all the time, “Forget the past!” Well I don’t want to forget the past! When I look at my past and the experiences I have had it humbles me to the point of tears because it is my past that the Lord brought me through. It is all those experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional, abusive home that the Lord has used to help other victims of abuse. It is those flight attendants that prayed fervently for this lost soul to find Christ and all the seeds they planted at 37,000 feet in the air.

It is a husband who showed me unconditional love. and yes, it is all those sin filled experiences that the Lord has shown His great mercy through. It is the fowl language that spewed from these lips, the indiscretions, the drunken parties, dirty jokes uproariously laughed about, the “I’ll burn that Bible if you don’t get it out of my face!” It is the forgiveness of all my sins; past, present, and future.

I don’t want to forget the past! If I forget the past then maybe I will shrug off the great things that Christ has done in my life; in me, through me, and for me. He transformed a lost soul to a victor. He has taken me out of the pit of hell and given me life.

So why did He say, “You mourn a wasted life?” Because I look at those first forty-nine years and see my feet on the edge of a fire filled abyss and wonder how I ever lived without Him. I look at those forty- nine years and regret that I didn’t know Him, I didn’t worship Him, I didn’t serve Him. I look at those forty-nine years and mourn the lost time I could have had with Him.

“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” His comfort comes in that when I look back I can see His hand all along the way. I can see His mercy and grace hard at work as I did my own thing. I can see His shed blood on the cross and hear Him tell me over and over how much He loves me.

His comfort is in knowing I will not be spending eternity in a fire filled hell with Satan laughing at me for all my poor choices. His comfort comes in knowing that I have a Savior that cares so much for me that even though I was lost He never gave up on me. His comfort comes in knowing He used every opportunity to bring me step by step to Him. That’s the kind of comfort He gives to those of us that were lost and now are found.

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Blessings to you.